The skills you build and the tools you master matter, but they aren't your most important asset when things go wrong — and something eventually will. In this episode, I work through why our careers and lives are governed more by avoiding catastrophic downside than by chasing upside, and why the single best tool for surviving a bad event isn't testing, insurance, or money — it's genuine trust with the people around you. Here's a question to sit with: what is the most important tool you have as a software engineer and as a leader? Most of us reach for something technical, but the answer runs deeper than that. In this episode, I start with the humble premortem — the practice of assuming something has already gone wrong so we can pressure-test our plans — and use it to explore why so much of our work is really about predicting and mitigating risk. From there, I make the case that because we're all exposed to a far larger downside than upside on any given day, the tool that matters most is the one that helps you survive the bad event you couldn't prevent: your relationships with other people, built on real trust. The Premortem as a Risk Lens: Learn why assuming failure ahead of time is such a useful counter to our natural optimism. Our plans quietly assume everything will go right, and a premortem forces us to inspect the gaps our best-laid plans never covered. Life Is Already About Predicting Risk: Nearly every action we take — stepping forward, eating the sushi, merging into traffic — is a small bet on an outcome we can't prove in advance. Much of what we're managing isn't even our own behavior, but the risk other people put us through. Why the Downside Dwarfs the Upside: On a typical Monday, your potential gain is limited, but your potential loss is not. A single catastrophic event — a breached customer, untested code shipped, an injury for an athlete — can undo far more than any single good action could ever build. This is why avoiding failure, not chasing brilliance, quietly shapes most successful careers. Likelihood Times Impact: Even a one-in-a-hundred-days negative event can cost you your job or your company a fortune, while very few actions could produce a commensurate gain like doubling your salary. Our behavioral aversion to risk turns out to be rational. Mitigate the Blast Radius, Not Just the Incidence: You can never be 100% certain a bad event won't happen. Good people who show up, stay reliable, and grow their skills still get laid off. So beyond reducing the likelihood of harm, you have to reduce its impact when it lands. Relationships Are the Real Safety Net: The most important tool in your belt isn't technical — it's your relationships with other human beings. Invested in honestly, they pay you back forever, and they're the thing you fall back on when the negative event you tried to prevent happens anyway. Trust Is the Core Currency: Genuine relationships require reality — real curiosity and care, not performed name-remembering, which people can see through. Trust compounds like an asset, while money spent to buy loyalty is gone the moment it's paid. When you hit a hard deadline or discover something's broken, a reservoir of trust is what lets people extend their best effort without you having to throw more money on the table. Episode Homework: Go invest in your relationships regardless of your current risk profile. Spend extra time in your one-on-ones, with your team, and in your retros — and get curious about what the people around you actually want, instead of assuming you already know. 📮 Ask a Question If you enjoyed this episode and would like me to discuss a question that you have on the show, drop it over at: developertea.com. 📮 Join the Discord If you want to be a part of a supportive community of engineers (non-engineers welcome!) working to improve their lives and careers, join us on the Developer Tea Discord community today! 🗞️ Subscribe to The Tea Break We are developing a brand new newsletter called The Tea Break! You can be the first in line to receive it by entering your email directly over at developertea.com. 🧡 Leave a Review If you're enjoying the show and want to support the content head over to iTunes and leave a review!
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